This morning I was struggling to find joy in the midst of my sadness which was caused by various things. My heart was burdened with certain pains and weights that heavied my spirit and outlook on my day. With every new day that I don’t dedicate to the Lord, it feels like bricks get loaded onto my back to carry with me; one on top of the other. I’ve been learning how to surrender my wants and desires to the Lord, but each time it almost seems harder. But after some thought, I believe that it only feels harder because the enemy is trying harder to keep you away from the freedom you will receive once you do surrender. It’s a common experience that once you decide to give up something, it all of a sudden becomes very loud in your life, seemingly louder than before. Once you decide to pursue righteousness, it almost feels like the world is trying to overwhelm you with opportunities to dive back into the very thing you wanted to walk away from. This is what anyone who has tried to give something up has experienced. It didn’t feel like these temptations where this loud when I was in the middle of it.
For me, I wanted to walk away from my need for control. It is addicting to make plans and lists and to have everything sorted out before I even get there. To have the power of deciding what my day entailed is what I depended on, and still do. But the Lord is putting me through a hard season that gives me two choices. I either put my dependence on Him and have peace and joy, or I cling to my want for control and have stress and pain. The easier option is the more painful, but nonetheless easier. It’s so easy to give up and succumb to the fear and pain of trying to control everything. Although, the idea that you’re in control of your life is actually quite fractured. It may feel like you’re holding the reigns of your life, but in reality you have no control over what happens to you. There is nothing you can do to stop the bad things or to bring the good things that happen in your life. The idea that you’re in control is simply a façade that covers up the control some outside being has on your heart. If you’re not fully trusting in God, then you’re trusting your emotions and your flesh. In other words, you’re trusting in things that, if you don’t have God in, are free real estate for the enemy to run rampant in. If you’re not trusting in God and the things of the Holy Spirit and His power, then you’re trusting in something that has the potential to be fully saturated with the things of the enemy. Something that has the potential to be manipulated, altered. It may seem like you have the control, but you don’t. So this leaves me with two choices, trust God or trust myself.
Well, one day a couple weeks ago, I decided to see what was the worst that could happen if I just messed around and surrendered my whole day to God. What did I have to lose that day? If I truly believe that God is the God of the impossible and that he was able to do great things like part the sea or raise Jesus from the dead, then why wouldn’t I trust him with my whole being? And what’s the worst that could happen? I sacrifice time that I could be studying for praying and constantly surrendering my day to God? I mean, I might as well just see what happens. It made it abundantly clear that I serve a faithful God, and faithful he was that day. He met me. He saw me. He heard me. He came to my rescue. I have never experienced such lingering joy. Throughout the entire day I was constantly reminded of his goodness that just filled me with a joy that I can’t explain. I had no reason to be joyful, in fact I had every reason to be stressed as all get out. But he met me anyways and gave me such joy that freed me to be bold and compassionate and loving to others. It was beautiful. But over time, I let my life get in the way of pursuing this joy.
Each day that I didn’t dedicate to the Lord, it felt like peace got further and further away from me. I tried re-dedicating my days and putting my heart into the word, but it just felt so much harder than before. Instead of just freely surrendering myself on a whim’s notice almost as a last resort, it now felt like a task that started to get harder and harder to actually accomplish. Without realizing it, I kind of gave up on actively pursuing peace. Life started to get good, I wasn’t stressing as much and I didn’t feel desperate for a way out. As a result, I started to lean on God less. I was treating God as a savior only when I needed Him and when I felt desperate. This realization broke my heart. I didn’t want to use God as a crutch, I wanted Him to be my foundation, to be my whole life. And so, in desperation to feel God’s presence again, I began to thank Him. I thanked Him for the provisions He’s made, the miracles He’s done, and all the people He has placed in my life. I gave it all to Him in recognition that, if it weren’t for Him, I would have none of these things. And in the process of giving thanks, I was filled once a again with His joy and peace.
If we want to find God, all we have to do is look around us. The things He gives us are blessings and are signs of His goodness. Remembering who God was during those hard times and expecting the same, and greater, outpouring of joy and peace in the present is all you need to give thanks. You don’t need to be at the lowest point in your life to surrender to God, and you don’t have to be on your highest mountain to give total praise to Him. Trusting God in those times is crucial, but surrendering to God the good things is just as important. If you are going through the hills or the valleys, surrender yourself to Him and His love.
Tell God what you need ,and give thanks for all He has done. Rest in the Father’s arms once again.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
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